100 Things You Shouldn't Do at Hogwarts
by Shinigami's Demon
Summary: I know this is a previous list but I took it from someone who issued a challenge and edited it for my own purposes. Jetta my HP RP charrie has to perform all 100 acts before the year at Hogwarts is out! But can she do it without being expelled?
1. The Challenge Chapter

Summary: Jetta Delaney is the name of now infamous RPG character on She is a troublemaking, pranking Gryffie and is based on someone we all know and love looks innocent. This takes place in her fifth year. When McGonagall gives her detention, she decides to write a list of incredibly random things NOT to do at Hogwarts. When her roomies get hold of it, they dare her to do all of them within the year. If she does not, she will be stripped of her title "Queen of Dares." The first chapter is the list.

Chapter 1: The Infamous List

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. it will not get me extra credit.

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

8 ) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar, especially one with metal spikes...no matter how attractive I think it is.

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy, and I am not to tell them that it is their responsibility.

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month", no matter how sympathetic i think i am to the situation.

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches, nor will I lead the stand in a rousing chorus of it.

13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball. he was grabby anyway.

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!".

15) When a classmate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental. At least that's what they want you to think...

18 ) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends" nor will I use them as such.

20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dust buster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my older brother's old Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom...no matter how amusing the reaction.

25) Its not necessary fro me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

26) I will not steal Gryffindors's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. Nor am i allowed to use the theme from Mission Impossible.

28 ) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. Thank you for destrying my dream.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or songs from The Veggie Tales.

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife nor will it talk to you. I must not tell this to first years.

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the A" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. Or Lucius Malfoy. Or Hitler.

34) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay snogging will occur.

34) It is a mad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously.

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38 ) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

41) Bringing fortune cookies to Divinations class does not count as extra credit.

42)My name is not "Dark-Lord Happy Pants" and I shall not sign my papers as such.

43) I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps. Why Chocolate Frogs are allowed and not these is beyond me.

44) I will not lock Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room and make bets on who will come out alive.

45) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball.

46) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the residential ghosts

47) I will not use first year Slytherins and Gryffindors as Christmas lights

48 ) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".

49) There is not, nor was there ever, a fifth house at Hogwarts. Nor am I in that house or the founder of it.

50) I will not put books of muggle fairy-tales in the history section of the library

51) When fighting the Death Eater in the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and yell "There can only be ONE!"

52) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes teacher.

53) I will not take a life insurance policy out of Harry Potter.

54) I will not wear A MUDBLOOD AND PROUD OF IT shirt to DE meetings and act surprised when they attack me.

55) I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand

56) I will not tell first years that they should build a tree-house in the whomping willow

57) I will not teach the house elves how to impersonate Jar Jar Binks

58 ) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort...Especially if Harry Potter's life is in the bargain...

59) I will not follow potions instructions backwards just to see what will happen

60) I will not use silencing charms on my professors.

61. I will not go up to professors randomly and do the "Where's the baby" face from Ice Age.

62. I will not perform "vulgar" puppet shows for the first years.

63. I will not scream bloody murder everytime I see Filch

64. I am not to refer to Professor Snape as "Sevvie darlingest" in my Barbie voice.

65. I will not go skinny-dipping in the lake with Hagrid's dog Fang and the Giant Squid

66. I will not wear pants that are six szes too big, fill them with bubble wrap, and go around Hogwarts causing general idiocy.

67. I will not kiss any of my teachers pasionately, especially not the female ones.

68.I will not dress up in a sleeping bag and run around Hogwarts Grounds without knowing where I am going

69. I will not et really hyped up and roll around in the great hall and laugh saying that Snape would look so funny as a puppet for Sesame Street.

70. I will not ride around hogwarts in an uncontrollable cart going really fast with no breaks, and chase Snape around while causing general chaos.

71. I will not pretend to be a deer in hunting season

72. i will not gather my roommates in the Great Hall to do a 'Who's Line is it Anyway' Hogwarts style

73. I will not throw a surprise party for Snape and write him romantic poems.

74. I will not laugh hysterically in a serious moment.

75. I will not purposefully run face on into every wall I see.

76. I will not walk up to random first and second year students and scream 'YOU PUT A DENT IN MY CAN!'

77. I will not challenge random people to duels with gift wrap tubes at Christmas.

78. Growing weed while not get me extra credit in Herbology.

79. I will not give the professors note telling them to check their flies.

80. I will not make popping sounds with my mouth(like Donky from Shrek)and laugh when the teacher gives you a funny look.

81. I will not look at the celing for along time, and when I see other people looking at the celing too, trying to figure it out, say "What are you looking at?".

82. I will not install fake surveillance cameras in the prefects' bathrooms.

83. I will not grimace painfully while smacking my forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" while around the younger students.

84. I will not answer the professors' questions with meows.

85. I will not stare at the first years for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the room.

86. I will not offer nametags to students coming in the Great Hall, and wear mine upside-down.

87. I will not draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other students that this is my "personal space."

88. I will not get a black dog, name it Grim, and take it to Divination class.

89. Iwill not throw my voice intot he Divination professor's crystal ball and in a squeaky voice say that the "Fates are on hold."

90. I will not invent a cereal. There are no such thing as Voldios, and they are not magically delicious.

91. I will not prank call Voldemort and say: "This is Hermione, and I called to say that I can't hide it any longer: Voldemort, you are a 'sexy beast!'"

92. I will not write my Head of house a love letter signed "Chuck Norris".

93. I will not yell "Pick me! Pick me!" when Snape hands out detentions.

94. I will not use sticking charms to attach feminine productsto Snape's shoes.

95. I will not tell the Slytherins to go snog a Dementor.

96. I will not ask my male professors if they have any Midol.

97. I will not sing The Song That Never Ends. While drunk. In the Great Hall. To the first years...

98. I will not wait for Snape to run away from me to yell "Why are you doing this, Severus? YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR BABY!"

99. I will not pay the house elves to fllow random students and sing love songs.

100. I will not send Snape love notes signed "Wormtail".

This being said: This year is going to be ineresting :

Signed,  
_Jetta K. Delaney __  
__Gryffindor Troublemaker Extraordinaire _(if she does say so herself)


	2. The Morning After

Author's note: For those of you who haven't read the new summary thing, this is a challenge fic. The list came from an acquaintance of mine, who was reminded of me by it. Also, Jetta is the youngest of the Gryffie girls because she was born in November.

Chapter 2. The first Day of Pranking.

The first thought that Jetta had as she gained consciousness was "What in the world have I gotten myself into?"

Her second thought was "What the bloody--?" before she was forcibly knocked in the head with her own pillow, which had somehow made it to the floor in the middle of the night. Giving the best Delaney Death Glare© she could, she rose up to see none other than her friend Aradia smirking down at her.

"Rise and shine, morning glory!" she declared all to perkily. Jetta grunted and rolled the much smaller girl off of her. "Aw, Jetta is that any way to treat your friends?"

"It is when you wake them up at an ungodly hour," the younger girl grunted, as she stood up. She smirked, as she towered over Aradia. The other girl pouted, a damnably cute action on her heart-shaped face.

Aradia wasn't an exceptionally small girl. In fact, she was average height for her age. Jetta, however, was a Delaney, and therefore by the age of fifteen was breeching a good six feet tall. The friends made a good contrast in many ways really. Aradia was a petite-framed, redhead with doe-brown eyes that could both melt and break hearts. Though she could be just as troublesome as Jetta at times, she didn't advertise it like her friend did.

Jetta was not just tall but also a bit on the large side. She wasn't fat, per say, just certainly not anorexic either. Her black hair was lopped into short haphazard chunks around her jaw line, and her bangs were dyed a dark cherry color. Unlike Aradia's puppy eyes, Jetta's ivy green eyes were often cause for concern. Any time a particular glint came off them, you knew that trouble was coming.

She'd had that glint when she came in last night, fresh from detention (she was the first girl in the dorm to get it on the first day) and hopped up on chocolate. The fact alone that she was waving a piece of paper in the air as if she had discovered the map to Atlantis was enough to send most of her roommates to the safety of their beds.

Aradia and a few other girls stayed around, however, to read the sheet of parchment. When they did they wound up laughing their collective butt's off.

"What in the world is this?" asked Grace, wiping a tear from her eye.

"The List," Jetta declared proudly. She sounded as if she were a new mother speaking of the accomplishment of her child. "I wrote it under the influence of chocolate!"

"We can see that," Njima snickered. Aradia, however, had that evil glint in her eye.

"Oh, Jetta?" she asked oh-so-innocently. "You are the Gryffindor 'Queen of Dares' are you not?" she batted her eyes. The other girls looked at her expectantly. Jetta suddenly felt like a cornered animal.

"I suppose," she said carefully.

"Oh, Jetta," said Grace getting in on Aradia's plan, don't be so modest! You've never turned down a dare, now have you?" Grace elbowed Njima who quickly caught on.

"Yeah! I mean, you'd never want to lose a rep like that would you, Jet?" she asked coyly.

It was then that Jetta let lose the least Jetta-like squeak in the history of time.

"Well," Aradia said firmly. "I think as the writer of this list it is your responsibility to bring this kind of laughter to the whole of Hogwarts."

"Except the Slytherins," corrected Grace.

"Right," Njima seconded. Jetta flopped down on the common room couch and buried her head in her hands. The other girls surrounded her.

"Well, what do you say, Jetta?" Aradia asked finally.

"Do I have to do the ones to Professor Lupin?" The other girls nodded, knowing of her crush on the teacher. "And if I don't I lose my title?" Again, a nod. "I guess I don't have much of a choice then?"

"No!" the three Gryffindors chorused merrily. Jetta nodded in a defeated manner. She had gone from being proud of her creation to despising it in five minutes.

And this morning, she was once again reminded of her promise by the mischievous grin of her red-headed roommate. Dragging herself away from the bed she haphazardly threw on her uniform and put in all of her piercings and headed down to breakfast with Aradia.

Today was going to be a loooonnnggg day.

Author's note (again): Short chap, I know, but that seemed the perfect place to leave it. The next chap should be up in a couple of days.


	3. Partners in Crime

Summary: Bad Jetta! Bad! No updating in forever!! . Sorry bout that guys ;;;; Mucho issues in RL since last chap and when it settled down I had nooo inspiration whatsoever. Anyway, I took out Njima as I haven't seen her on in absolute ages! I put in Esabelle instead. She is much more prank-ful. 

Jetta adjusted her bag on her side as she flopped down uncerimoniously on the bench at breakfast. This was the glare that made teachers look at her warily, this was the glare that sent first years of all Houses scattering in her...erm...plus-sized wake. Unfortunately, this was also the glare that seemed to force Aradia to shove a lump of sugary jam that may have contained toast somewhere in it, right up to her face.

'Breakfast?" the petite redhead asked innocently, her honey colored eye betraying nothing. Jetta growled mildly and shoved the sticky substance away from her face. The other third year girls merely snickered. Ever since the summer after her third and fourth years, Jetta had mellowed considerably and was not prone to actually clawing or biting at people who annoyed her. She'd also been sleeping which contributed to Aradia still having a hand.

"You've got to eat something, chickie, or your little operation won't be a success!"

"What operation?" asked a new voice curiously. jetta looked up and half-smirked. Esabelle was fairly good at pranks and would likely be a better accomplice than Aradia if she were given the chance. She looked somewhat like Aradia, but her hair wasn't half as bright a red. She also seemed...taller?

Jetta looked at her feet and saw her floating a bit. Her stomach turned as she looked to Esa's hand. If there was one wizarding candy that turned the muggleborn girls stomach more than anything, it was Fhizzing Whizbees. Forget about being able to fly, there were bugs in there! Didn't she even care?

"Want one?' Esabelle offered, smirking. She knew how much Jetta hated her favorite candy. She also knew the girl would never admit it, so she made it a point to try to foist the candy on her whenever possible.

"Erm...no thanks," Jetta declined, looking slightly green in the face. there were times she hated being so pale. Everything played across her face.

Not wanting to have a sugary glob or a bug-filled candy shoved in her face again, the Gryffindor girl reached for several bits of bacon, sausage and (plain) toast and started eating.

"What plan?" Esabelle asked again, slightly annoyed. Aradia smirked and related last night to her fellow redhead. By the end, Esa was looking terribly distressed. "And I missed that?! How could I miss that? You have got to let me in on this," she declared grabbing the front of Jetta's shirt and looking the much larger girl in the eyes. Said eyes narrowed and Esabelle immediately let go, giggling a bit. "Erm...I mean..."

"I intended to," Jetta sighed. "I don't think I can pull this off alone, especially some of the ones on the older years..." She glanced up the table to where the six and seventh years were seated.

"Ahh...you mean the ones on Harry," Esabelle realized. "What? You don't want to make him feel bad?" she snickered. "Aw, little Jetta realy does have something similar to human emotion in there!" She poked the middle of her chest. Jetta, being completely and undeniably eloquent before at least ten am, quite appropriately grunted.

"What about the ones on...Professor Lupin?" she asked Aradia, her tone suggestive. The desired result was achieved as jetta's cheeks turned red and her hair fell over her face.

"She's saving those for when she works up the nerve," Aradia smirked. "She's got some 'supplies' in her bag though."

Without so much as a "by your leave", Aradia and Esabelle had grabbed Jetta's black bag and started rummaging through it. Jetta didn't even move. The look she had on her face was one of a person who had clearly given up. She turned back to her breakfast as the other girls snickered over the contents of her bag.

"So," Esabelle determined, looking at the copy of The List. "Today, it's going to be 5, 11, and 21?"

"Not just those, I'm sure?" Aradia pouted. Jetta shook her head.

"5, 7, 11, 16, and 21. I gotta space 'em out, you know?"

"Totally understandable," Esabelle smirked and patted her Housemate on the shoulder. 'So what class do we have first anyway?"

The look on Jetta's face was a good enough indicator. Her eyes were fixed determinatedly ahead and her voice dulled down to a rough edge.

"Potions."

"oh," the other girls grimaced.

"Exactly." Jetta pushed her empty plate away from herself, grabbed her bag and stood up. She headed out of the Great Hall, barely turning back to say, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," both said to her retreating form. Esabelle turned to Aradia. "She'll need it."

Aradia looked ponderous. 'I wonder if I could have her Nimbus after Snape kills her..."

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Not exactly an epistle but its good enough for now. Sorry there was no prankage but there definitely will be next chapter! Watch jetta go up against Snapey-poo! And thanks to everyone who reviewed on IQ: Miki, Juliea, Marriene, Anna, Isannah, Kelly, Evelyn and Morgan. You guys (erm...girls) rock too!! Next time I'll have pics of each character up, kay?


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